Home 1996 – Kappa
The Country
Georgia, aka “No, the other one” is a former Soviet Republic nestled in the Caucasus Mountains between Russia and Turkey. Whether the country is actually in Europe or Asia is somewhat ambiguous. By popular geographical definition, the bulk of their territory lies in Asia, however the people are predominantly white Christians with a passion for good food and wine that marks them out as distinctly European, while the unique Georgian language defies categorisation, looking as it does like something slaved over by a Lord of the Rings devotee in lieu of a sex life.
Left – Georgian script, as utilised by four million native speakers in the Caucasus.
Right – The Elvish language, spoken by the Elves of Middle Earth and also by a slew of 35 year old men presently living with their parents and/or action figures.
Prior to independence from the USSR in 1991, Georgia endured centuries of foreign domination, not just by the Russians but also under the Ottoman Turks, Mongols, Persians, Romans and, pre-dating all of these, a mysterious people group from antiquity known to historians simply as the “Alans”, later to be usurped by the Clives, the Gavins and, worst of all, the Daves. Despite this vulnerability, the Georgians were actually something of a regional power during whatever fleeting moments of sovereignty they’ve been allowed. Amongst their most celebrated native rulers was King David IV, known popularly as “David the Builder” after doubling Georgia’s territory between 1120-1124, and also because of the way he would frustrate foreign armies by arranging a battle, failing to show up on time and then dumping a single bag of sand on the battlefield before fucking off for three months.
Ironically, the most famous Georgian ever was a man not readily associated with the country at all, nor is he somebody that they’re particularly keen to lay claim to either. As Soviet commander during World War Two, Joseph Stalin – born Iosif Dzhugashvili in Gori, Georgia – may have presided over the crushing defeat of Hitler and Nazi Germany, however he was also a colossal bastard to his own people, responsible for packing countless civilians off to gulags, routinely executing his own army officers, failing to say ‘thank you’ whenever someone held a door open for him* and delivering such heartwarming soundbites as “one death is a tragedy, one million deaths is a statistic.” Perhaps should’ve workshopped that one a bit more, Joe.
*I have absolutely no evidence to support this one, however I’m fairly sure it’s an act common to all professional dickbags.
Despite the Georgians’ lack of regard for Stalin – most of his statues have been torn down since the USSR went to pot – you can apparently still buy oil paintings of the splendidly hirsute, mass-murdering tyrant in the capital Tbilisi’s souvenir shops, which if nothing else should at least make a good talking point at your next dinner party, as well as providing a handy distraction from the fact that you still can’t cook a lasagne properly.
The National Team
Aside from Russia and Ukraine, Georgia has comfortably the strongest football pedigree of all the ex Soviet states. For years the country supplied numerous players to the USSR national team – most notably Aleksandre Chivadze, who captained the 1982 World Cup squad – while their top club side Dynamo Tbilisi won two Soviet league titles as well as the 1981 European Cup Winners Cup. Post independence, the Georgians made their competitive debut during the Euro 96 qualifiers and bagged some eyebrow-raising results, including a 2-1 victory over Bulgaria, fresh from their fourth place finish at USA 94, and a 5-0 annihilation of Wales in Tbilisi. Admittedly this was against a Welsh team that would in short order permit Vinnie Jones to add “international footballer” to his C.V., an accolade that somehow still manages to seem less plausible than his unintentionally chucklesome stint as a Hollywood actor.
Sadly, Georgia have seldom managed to match this early promise in any of their subsequent campaigns, instead satisfying themselves with providing an occasional jolt in the road for established nations such as Italy (0-0, World Cup 1998*), Russia (1-0, Euro 2004) and Croatia (1-0, Euro 2012). That said, they have twice effectively cost Scotland a place at the European Championships, inflicting costly qualifying defeats on the Tartan Army in both 2008 (2-0) and 2016 (1-0), so I guess it’s not all been futile.
*England fans old enough to recall the battling 0-0 draw with Italy in Rome that secured our qualification for France 98 should remember that Georgia’s taking of a point against the Azurri one month prior ensured that we didn’t head into that decisive fixture requiring victory.
On a more promising note, the Georgians have recently secured what is surely their best ever opportunity to qualify for a major international tournament thanks the new UEFA Nations League. If at this juncture you’re still a little confused as to how the whole thing works, all you need to know is that there’s a guaranteed spot at Euro 2020 for one country from the lowest ranked Nations League sector (League D), and that this will be contested by the four group winners, who were Kosovo, Belarus, Macedonia and of course, Georgia. Interesting times. Interesting, confusing times.
The Shirt
I don’t say this lightly, but the Georgia shirt pictured here is my bestest, most favouritist top in my entire collection, so much so that simply writing about it has caused me to lose all sense of spelling, grammar and articulation. I have a certain fondness for Kappa designs from the 1990s. In an era when manufacturers evidently subscribed to the theory that more is most definitely more, they managed to stand out as vivid and colourful, yet just restrained enough to still be recognisable as a football shirt rather than resembling a tube of toothpaste or a 7up Zero re-branding exercise. Looking at YOU, 90s Celtic away kits.
Getting back to my Georgia shirt; I have clear memories of seeing this design advertised in Shoot magazine as a teenager, typically being sold by a company called ‘Dirty Sports’ who were doubtless seeking to capitalise on the popularity at the time of Manchester City’s Georgian midfield wizard Georgi Kinkladze. As far as I can tell however, this design was only ever worn for a single match, a 1-0 friendly defeat to Norway in August 1996. Then, without explanation, Georgia trotted out for their World Cup 98 qualifying fixtures the following month clad instead in some generic Adidas garb, with the Kappa kit mysteriously vanishing from view. Many years later, with my collection in full swing, this shirt would occasionally resurface on sites such as classicfootballshirts, teasing me that it could be mine, but only if I were prepared to part with something daft like £260 for the privilege. I wasn’t
Instead I have my friend and incurable national shirt lunatic Nick Warrick to thank for landing me this elusive shred of polyester. In 2013 he spotted one listed on eBay and thoughtfully alerted me to its availability. Upon investigation, I was equal parts amused and delighted to find that the shirt had been mislabelled as an “Egypt football shirt*”, thus it had attracted little to no other interest and I snapped it up for just £21. Get the fuck in.
*As silly an error as this may seem, it is somewhat understandable. The shirt’s colours are based on the old Georgia flag, which utilises a similar red(ish), white and black scheme to Egypt. Also, the eagle badge provides yet another common bit of symbolism, while the squiggly Georgian text above said crest could conceivably be mistaken for Arabic to the untrained. I for one am most glad that this eBay seller’s eyes had evidently NOT been on a linguistics course.