Dominican Republic

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The country

Comprising the eastern two thirds of Hispaniola – the Caribbean island it shares with Haiti – the Dominican Republic is home to the oldest European settlements in all of the Americas, most notably the capital Santo Domingo, which was founded in 1498 by Christopher Columbus’s younger and even more inept brother Bartholomew, who, given his genetic disinclination towards geographic accuracy, probably thought that he’d discovered Belgium or something. Speaking of the Columbus crew, the DR has a little bone to pick with Spain over the whereabouts of dear old Chris’s earthly remains. In a nutshell, while the Dominicans are adamant that the body resides within the ‘Columbus Lighthouse’they built in his honour, the Spaniards insist he’s actually interred in Seville Cathedral, having been snuck back to Europe during periods of colonial strife.                                      Both sides present a compelling argument as to why they believe they are hoarding the correct bones, with Spanish academics pointing to DNA test results, historical archives and actual documented evidence, whereas the DR’s counter argument goes something like this…

Still, if gawping at some dubious 500 year old skull fragments isn’t your thing, the Dominican Republic evidently has plenty to offer the less morbidly inclined tourist as well. In 2017 the country welcomed over six million visitors (more than anywhere else in the Caribbean) and is particularly popular with affluent cruise ship passengers, who get to mope around the poverty-ridden slums of Santo Domingo for a day and acquire a new appreciation for their own privileged lifestyle, before returning to the ship, purging their memory banks of the whole humbling experience and getting back to the business of berating the pool boy for serving them vintage champagne at half a degree above the requisite temperature.        “Bad Diego. No soup for you!!”

Despite this general downtroddenness (fuck you, spellcheck) the Dominicans remain full of life, energy, passion and, tellingly, rum.      Indeed, the national consumption of mojitos, pina coladas, daquiris etc far outstrips that of their West Indian neighbours and probably offers some clues as to the inexplicable popularity of the country’s famous Merengue music, in much the same way that a sufficiently powerful set of beer goggles can make a bedraggled hen party straggler named Tracey seem like a solid investment for your future happiness. Whatever the appeal of its repetitive, booming tones, Merengue seldom fails to get the locals singing and dancing like every day might be their last, which is always a distinct possibility seeing as the island’s position, slap bang in the middle of the Atlantic hurricane belt, has the potential to deposit a palm tree through their front window at any given moment.

The sports scene in the DR is largely dominated by baseball, with the best Dominican players routinely whisked away to the US major leagues where they can expect to be handsomely remunerated for the herculean tasks of swinging a stick at a ball (and generally missing), doing some light running and signing oversized leather oven mitts for children who were, in all likelihood, fast asleep during the actual game. By contrast, football, which offers no such financial incentives, remains very much a minority sport in the country. The national team are suitably useless, having never qualified for the CONCACAF Gold Cup, while their involvement in World Cup qualification seldom stretches beyond the first couple of preliminary rounds.

That said, the team did snap startlingly into form – by their standards anyway – between 2012 and 2013, securing qualification for the Caribbean Cup finals in Antigua, recording victories over a whole three (admittedly rubbish) countries, i.e. Anguilla, Suriname and the Cayman Islands on the road to Brazil 2014 and rising to an unprecedented high of 78th in the FIFA world rankings. Sadly, this spurt was to prove short-lived and the Dominicans have since slunk back into obscurity. However, given the country’s sizeable population (nearly 11 million) and their tendency towards athletic prowess, you do feel that if they could just wean youngsters away from the old bats, caps and giant gloves then there’s definite potential for the future, especially with the World Cup set to expand to 48 teams from 2026 and the subsequent doubling of CONCACAF’s allocation at the finals from three guaranteed spots to six.

The shirt

This nifty looking effort by Peruvian manufacturers Walon Sports came via the ever reliable Subside Sports, who started selling them online a few years back. Prior to this, official DR shirts had (to the best of my knowledge) never been made commercially available, although as most photos of the team from this period show them wearing dull as dishwater Adidas templates, it was certainly worth the wait to get my hands on something a little bit different. I find red and blue always makes for a striking colour combination, and this shirt also houses some nice little touches, including shoulder flashes and smudged white bands on the chest, which lend it a sort of ‘spilled toothpaste then tried to rub it off with a flannel’ look.

The only slight, nagging grievance I have with this design is that it just doesn’t look and feel completely 100% like a football shirt to me, almost though it would be more at home adhering to the sweaty frame of some middle class chap named Nigel as he lumbers around the squash court in a desperate bid to vanquish his equally sweaty, equally middle class opponent, who will also be named Nigel. Anyway, mustn’t grumble, after all it’s bright, comfortable, unique, passes the authenticity test and ticks a previously tricky Caribbean nation off the list without inflicting lasting damage on my bank account.